Strength

But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength. 2 Timothy 4:17

What a perfect verse for today.  A perfect verse for everyday.  He is what gets me though everyday.  And my 2 perfectly imperfect children.  One whom acts so much like Doug it makes me laugh and cry as I type this.  My reason for living and breathing is for our 2 boys.  I’m still unsure where I am taking this blog in the future, but I felt like today was a day I needed to write for the blog, so here I am.  Of course so much has happened since I last truly posted, I am unsure if I could even touch on it all, or if I want to on my public blog.  What I will say is Doug is thought of constantly and talked about daily in our home and so very loved, and that will never change.  I don’t want the boys to forget any memory they have of him from the 1st 4 years of their lives.  I recently found the thumb drive that contains videos from after they were born, and the boys and I are slowly watching those videos.  I will watch and if I feel they would like to see it I show them.  One I watched alone and smiled the entire time.  It was of Doug playing with them and just laughter and giggling.  I laughed while initially watching it.  Then I showed the boys.  They really enjoyed watching it, but as I sat back and watched them watching the small memories they will have of their daddy, it gutted me.  Doug was a daddy any kid would be lucky to have.  And I am just so completely heartbroken they only got 4 years with him.  Of course I was robbed of my future with him as well, but for them to be so young and still struggling to grasp that this is their life now…  The boys still dream about Doug, and this makes me so happy.  My memorial wall in our dining room is expanding in pictures in honor of Doug.  And of course there is still the attachment issues.  They told me the other day that they didn’t want to leave me for college, that they wanted to stay home with me and go to college.  I’m not sure this is a normal concern for a 7 year old.  But little do they know if they end up going to Auburn (which would make Doug so very proud), I am moving to Auburn with them.  So anyway, there is so much happening in our lives and struggles and things I just don’t want to pour into my public blog as of now.  Just know it is not one bit easier now, 2 years and 5 months later.  Not one bit.  But we get by each day with Him on our side.  I feel it.  I feel us covered in prayers.  And I thank God for those in our lives.

So that is all for now, a semi-vague post that doesn’t really share much of the past months of our lives.  I will end with our Christmas card from this year,  another as a family of 3.

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About twicethekisses

I am learning daily the joys and trials of raising twin boys. This blog is to document the journey that includes double of everything, including twice the kisses.
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