I am currently at an impasse.  Big word, right?  I Googled to make sure I was spelling it accurately.  I want our lives as private as possible.  Yet I want this blog to keep as a journal of sorts for the boys in the future.  But there is no way to set it to private.  And I see the stats on daily views and its insane.  It doesn’t tell me exact people who view but at times the number is daunting.  Its just me talking about our life.  But I don’t think our lives should be wide open to anyone who clicks to my blog.

And then there is also my project I am working on.  Writing a book about Doug and our life together and having his story out there.  So often news reporters wanted extended details, and I was not ready to share.  But I think I am now.  To show what a truly great man Doug was.  I am even thinking of self-publishing because it isn’t about earning money on his story.  He knew my love for reading and we had spoken of my love for writing as a child, and he said I should write a book.  Not knowing there may be a want for a book in the future for myself, Doug, and our boys.

For now I will close with this post that I shared last night on Facebook:

Real post for today: As I’m fixing one of my 6 year olds bicycles tonight it really hit me that “I didn’t sign up for this”. “This” being both mommy and daddy. “This” being repairing things that Doug used to do. “This” being doing it all alone. We survive each day but man. “This” was not in our plans.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12