We just recently returned from our 2nd ever beach trip without Doug.  It was equally as an emotional trip as the 1st, that happened last year.  I have said before, the beach holds so many memories, from vacations Doug would take with my family as teenagers, to senior week in high school together with friends, to many visits after, to our actual wedding, and then the visits as a family of 4 with the boys.  And facing facts, the beach is family oriented, especially where we stay.  So its like rubbing salt in the ever-present wound to go, but the boys love the beach, and I do in a bittersweet way, so we go.  And in that widow mindset where your life has ben flipped upside down and turned inside out, I almost dream of us living at the beach to have a new beginning.  The 1 major stipulation, our support system is 5 hours north.  And what a support system it has been over the past year and a half.  There are some who have stepped up and even put their own families 2nd to help myself and the boys and just typing that brings tears to my eyes.  And the boys have already been through so much change but the thought of virtually running away just myself and the boys is something that occasionally occurs, if I’m being truthful.  Not that it would ever actually happen, but still a thought.  So this post is just a quick one to say we survived.  When the boys wanted to go deep into the ocean, it is now I that goes with them, not Doug, their original beach playmate.  I videoed Braddock talking about boogey boarding without Doug and since Doug wasn’t there to help him he would have to paddle himself.  We are still surviving day by day, as that is all that we can do.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:26