Braddock and Sawyer finished up their 2nd season of playing basketball and went directly into their 8th season of baseball (If my math is right, though they are 6, I’m counting spring and fall seasons and all-stars). It does not get any easier without Doug at their games, on the field coaching. I still think of how happy he is in Heaven knowing how they’ve both improved in both sports. Still plenty of room for improvement but I’m so very proud and wish I could share these moments with Doug. I still have those thoughts that though he is in Heaven with our Savior, I wonder if he gets sad knowing how much he is missing being on Earth. When I think about the future and everything he will be missing it is overwhelming. And still unbelieving. I still will walk into a room and randomly smell him and break down. Knowing he is never coming home.
The boys know more about Doug’s murder than I had originally thought. They asked questions the other night that I could not deflect and I chose not to lie to them. They couldn’t understand why the bad guy wouldn’t just die alone and leave Daddy and Mr. Brian alone. All tough things to talk about with 6 year olds. I told them their Daddy was a hero and they will learn more about that as they get older. I hope it softens some of the anger I already see brewing when they hear the story of that day.
They deserve to have their Daddy in their lives to be their male figure to look up to. They asked me the other day if we could fish in the back yard. Fishing was Doug’s love. I don’t know anything about rigging a rod and reel with wire and hooks and bait. But I guess if it comes down to it I will refer to my guide to doing manly things that Doug used to do, like unstopping drains in the shower, good old You Tube.
The boys also went to the eye dr for the 1st time where they were both told glasses were needed, which they were thrilled about! They had been coming home from school with frequent debilitating headaches and their glasses are to help when doing classwork, computer work, etc.
I also recently sold my Jeep. The jeep Doug and I bought when I was pregnant with the boys. My 4 Runner was great but Doug insisted I have something new with no miles to drive our new family around in. Thankfully it went to a family that I know and I feel better about it no longer being in my driveway. Doug’s friend Jason helped me in the selling process as that’s normally something Doug would handle.
So now we are about to get full swing into baseball season with our ballpark family. Planning another vacation to the beach, without Doug. I don’t see that getting any easier either. The boys have a school field trip coming up that I know Doug would have loved to be there for. HE was a big kid at heart. In a couple of months the boys will graduate from kindergarten and be moving on to 1st grade. Yes, life keeps moving. And I’m thankful that I am here to see it all. I’m just missing the other half that’s supposed to be standing by my side through it all.
at the boys fun run at school: