Yesterday was Kindergarten Camp at the elementary school the boys will be attending beginning next week. They met their teachers and attended for half the day and ate lunch, followed by riding their after school care bus to the program that they will be attending. With the decision to keep boys together or separate in classes, for me the decision was easy. They have been in separate classes since 3K. The act better and are less dependent on each other. I also like the fact of them making their own friends. With that being said, it makes it hard on 1 parent. Thankfully my mom was with me yesterday. And I will need help in the future. But for the boys, it is best…or so I hope. It was an emotional day knowing Doug wasn’t with us physically. At the parent meeting “mom and dad” were referred to so often, and to the general public, this wouldn’t even phase them (even kids with divorced parents have a mom and a dad normally), but of course it could feel like a slap in the face to me. Add to that seeing my boys off to their classes, then 1 more bonus of one of the opening topics being safety and if there were to be an active shooter what would be protocol, and I was a mess. A complete mess. I am a worse mess typing this. Thankfully no one is around to witness my mess right now. The boys are beyond excited to attend “big school” so I hope to stay positive in front of them, especially when I walk them to class on the 1st day of actual Kindergarten next week. Doug should be with me for all of these firsts. I know, I know. He is with me, in the spiritual sense. But that doesn’t give the boys his hand to hold when entering school. That doesn’t give his arms and his neck as options for the boys to hug. And the list is endless for what all him physically being with us would mean. But he isn’t. And that’s our reality. Last week I went by Doug’s grave and sadly the grave looks less fresh. Grass is actually growing there now. It still feels so very fresh to me. Another tear jerking moment: this morning the boys woke telling me how they passed Daddy’s grave on the way to their field trip 2 days ago and said “Hey Daddy’s grave” and waved from the bus. Heart.is.shattered. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”