In speaking back and forth with the directors at the boys’ school (and by “speaking” I mean via emails because I even cried nonstop typing the conversation, I most definitely couldn’t have it in person), it came about that tomorrow will be the day their classes will do the yearly Father’s Day crafts to give to the students’ daddies. I had been torn as to if I needed to keep the boys home the day this event occurred. They already have past stated that all their friends still have their daddies. I did not want this to be a huge reminder to them. But tomorrow is also “bike day” for their classes, which they are excited to attend. The end result is the 4K teachers at their school are going to take a few students inside at a time to do their crafts while the others stay outside riding bikes. This means my boys will get an extended time on their bikes instead of going inside. I am hoping no friends of theirs excitedly tell them what they were inside doing, but I truly think this is the best option. The boys have been so excited to ride their bikes with their friends. Now they won’t be robbed of that because of Father’s Day festivities. Have I mentioned I love the boys’ school and teachers and how supportive they have been?
I am taking each day as it comes, so this past week I looked at the June calendar, knowing I wanted to visit Doug’s grave and bring balloons on both Father’s Day and our 12th Wedding Anniversary. Imagine my shock when I realize that both events fall on the VERY.SAME.DAY. Sunday, June 21. What horrible luck that both “firsts” without Doug here on Earth with us collide on the same day. My original plans for both days have now changed. I had wanted to visit his grave alone on our 12th wedding anniversary and bring balloons and sit and talk to him and play some of his favorite songs. For Father’s Day my plans included taking the boys to his grave site with balloons to decorate as well as releasing a few balloons to send to Heaven with messages to Doug like we did on his birthday in November, and maybe eating at Doug’s favorite restaurant, The Cajun Steamer (though the thought of eating on that day is nauseating). So now those plans have been altered. Though I have learned in the past 8 months that we really have little control of the future. It’s all in His hands. And maybe, just maybe, this is His way of me only having to feel the extra pain on 1 day, instead of the 2 being separate.
“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.” –Psalm 31:9