Brokenhearted

Just an update of our forever changed lives, in no certain order.

One recent morning both boys woke discussing their dreams of their Daddy (yes, they now both sleep with me, as my king sized bed is not meant for just 1 person, and no they don’t want to sleep in their own beds right now, exhibiting their separation anxiety from myself).   It was so sweet to know that Doug came to both of them that night in hopes of calming their anxious 5 year old minds.   But in relaying his dream with his Daddy, Sawyer asked if we could all lay in the grass by Daddy (be buried), and he named the order in which we would lay.   I’m still not okay that these are things our sons have to worry over now.

I miss our family hugs.   We would all 4 hug and Doug would exclaim “Hutcheson Hug!!”.   Now when the boys and I do a family hug 1 son will inevitably exclaim “Hutcheson Hug!!”.   It just is not the same without Doug in our hug.   Our 3 person hug is missing a very important 4th person.

I miss receiving 143 texts from Doug’s number.   While he stayed busy at work or even if he wasn’t, that was our thing.   Our universal, quick “I love you”.

We took the boys to their 1 st Indy car race this past weekend thanks to some great neighbors who gave us great tickets, and I thought of Doug often while there.  How much he would have loved to experience that with the boys.   Then I would catch glimpses of families and couples holding hands and it all hits home once again.  This is now our lives.

We are in the thick of baseball season and I just can’t enjoy it like in years past.   One of our sons will do something great and Doug isn’t there to celebrate with, and while I realize he has the best view for these moments, it’s not the same as having him there in body and spirit.

The next few weeks/months will bring several events that Doug should be with us to experience in person.   The boys will have their 4K Graduation.   We will go on a family beach trip.   Father’s Day will soon be here and I am thinking of ways around the boys being at school on the days when every other kid is making crafts for their Daddy.   They have said on several occasions that everyone else has their Daddies.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

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About twicethekisses

I am learning daily the joys and trials of raising twin boys. This blog is to document the journey that includes double of everything, including twice the kisses.
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